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I do not at all intend to offer any competition to Sheena Ayengar’s book, “The Art of Choosing” or analyze why people choose to copy. But equipped with three case studies on myself, I plan to deduce how miserable I am at this art of choosing to copy. I would like to assume that none of us need any introduction to this choice which we all have been making during examinations since our preschool days, and would hence like to directly discuss the aforementioned case studies.

Case Study #1: When I was not aware of my right to choose to copy

I will have to take you back into my 10th grade when my textbooks were full of morals of Mahatma Gandhi, Bhagat Singh and Raja Harishchandra and had such an effect on me that I thought copying in exams was as much a crime as stealing whisky from my dad’s McDowell’s No. 1 bottle and replacing it with water.

So during my 10th grade board exams, there was rampant copying in my examination hall, while the examiner turned a blind eye to the happenings. I rechecked my admit card a couple of times to figure whether copying was permitted and wondered whether the rest of the guys were given a different set of instructions. At the end of the exam, I went up to the examiner and complained that the examination was not conducted fairly, and I too should have been given an opportunity to copy. To which she replied with a great sense of indulgence that if she hadn’t allowed those guys to copy, they would have failed in such an important examination.

I had an instant urge of explaining to her that I too was in a life and death situation and now that I had not copied, Vivek, who always topped my school would yet again do better than me, and Sheila, the “only” love of my life, would be convinced that Vivek was an alpha male*…

Battling with my inner urge of telling her that she had brutally trampled the prospects of me and Sheila having a happy family together with the additions of Chunnu and Munnu who would have chubby cheeks and would cry all day, I ushered myself out in a state of shock and disbelief only to be besieged by Khali sized bullies. These were the same guys who were upset that I wouldn’t let them deal with their own love life crises of topper Viveks hitting on their innocent Sheilas. One of them, who looked like a regular at the AHPA (All Harayna Pahelwan Akhada) was already out in his maroon coloured VIP baniyan and wanted to beat the pulp out of me. While the rest of the gang seemed like harmless sidekicks, given my capabilities of not being able to even punch a fly, I felt helpless as if I were a 1980s Bollywood actress stranded amidst a sugarcane field on a rainy night and a vicious villain like Ranjeet was leering at me with his lusty eyes.

While I decided to pay my last homage to all dieties, luckily, a friend of mine, like a true Bollywood hero connected telepathically with the heroine would, unexpectedly appeared and pulled me out of the mess.

The Result: I had to thank my friend for saving atleast one of my eyes, a kidney and my only diaphragm.

Case Study #2: When I was aware of my right to choose to copy, but chose not to exercise it

Surviving from the last near death experience, a few years later, in my engineering I learnt that copying in the internal tests was the only way to maximize your score even with a below par performance predicted to be certain in the university exams.

Sulking over a zilch score in my first internal test, I was fully prepared to lose my virginity to copying in the second test. To assist my purpose, the professor also was generous enough to leave the classroom for most of the test’s duration and let us copy. But an unprepared fellow companion (who, I was later told, to much of my dismay, was the topper in the first test), declared that he would not copy. His enthusiasm was infectious and challenged my morals, finally leading me out of the classroom with a second zero in the internals to my credit. The professor could not comprehend as to why I had not scored at all in the first 2 tests and adjudged that I was good for nothing, awarding me a third zero in my last internal.

The Result: Not only did I have sleepless nights until I passed the university exam with grace marks, but Priya, the all new “only” love of my life, deleted my number from her cellphone.

Case Study #3: When I was punished for not exercising my right to choose to copy

Through this last case study, I would like to highlight, that I am not only miserable at the art of choosing to copy, but also during tests I cannot muster the necessary sincere and innocent expressions on my face that those who’ve mastered the art of choosing to copy have become adept in.

So in yet another exam, satisfied with my performance, I was smugly looking out of the window, watching an ignorant crow feed some sly Koel’s babies. What I failed to notice, was a guy who was sitting beside the window, staring at me, probably puzzled by a question. Had I known that he was looking at me, I would have concluded that he was either attracted to me or there was a halo behind my head which made him believe that I had the answers to all his life’s questions, for now, the question he was puzzled by. But the examiner concluded the unthinkable and declared that we both were trying to communicate answers and took away our answer sheets.

The Result: RESULT WITHHELD. Also, Neha broke up with me.

Conclusion

I might be good at breaking my sister’s Barbie dolls, ringing neighbours’ door bells while managing to sneak away, and a hell lot of more things! But as far as me faring at the art of choosing to copy is concerned, John Abraham with his wooden expressions could manage to do a much better job at acting. So in greed of making more money please don’t sell your kids to bet on me that I am any good at this art of choosing to copy!

DISCLAIMER: The author of this post whether in his state of full consciousness, sleep or being inebriated does NOT at all endorse copying in exams. Though the author solemnly believes that his being a failure in life was due to his poor skills in the art of choosing to copy, he wishes to caution those who would like to try copying, that if caught he/she could prove to be a bigger failure than the author himself.

TIP: If you still wish to ignore the caveat above, and try your hand at copying, kindly follow the steps below to increase your level of confidence before you do so…

At first, try copying in front of a pizza, then your 5 yr old sister, then your milkman and then finally in front of your professor. Any alteration in this suggested order can result in undesirable and dangerous consequences. Also, kindly try the above at your own risk.

And now, time for the FREE BONUS. It’s the video below! For those who did not read my blog post, if you try to play the video, a grungy gorilla will come out of it and eat your computer screen and mouse and dinner. For those who did read every word of my blog post, herez a cute little TV commercial that I came across on a kid planning to copy in his exams…

EDITED LATER: This blog post has attracted a lot of inquiries about who an alpha male is by people who hvnt cared to Google. For their benefit herz the definition…

*Alpha Male: A man who is powerful through his courage and a competitive, goal-driven, “take charge” attitude. With their bold approach and confidence “alpha males” are often described as charismatic. “Alpha males” are often overachievers and recognized for their leadership qualities.

IN SHORT: Girls fantasize about such men. While the rest of the guys read guides on the net on “How to Become an Alpha Male“!