Aseem's Blog
Leap over the bounds…
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Yeh Aakhri Alvida Na Ho… |
More often than not, you have to learn to let go a few things in life… specially people you can’t hold on to forever. Sometimes for the better, sometimes because one day you want them to come back… while often because you have no option left. And whether you like it or not… in this school of life sooner or later you have to learn to say goodbye.
I feel the same today, I felt a few years back in memory… when I had to give away my dear Nokia 3315 after religiously using it for 4 years. Its keypad looked like a blank slate, its screen could be read only at its will, I had to bang it on the floor a few times to open it and often re-insert the simcard when it hanged. While its battery died as soon as I plugged out the charger, I had to announce that we now had a new landline at home. As a result my electricity bills soared high as to that of the whole of Uganda. But I still loved it. I didn’t want to give it up. It was like what a grandmom-gifted new bicycle meant to a kid, like what the first love letter response would mean to a guy and like what silicon means to Rakhi Sawant. In short… so very dear, precious and indispensable. But then on one ominous day when I returned home, and the sky was filled with dark clouds and the sun couldn’t shine, I saw my dad standing at the door with sharpened new screw drivers pointing towards me and my mom with Baygon spray in one hand and the electricity bill in the other. The only way I could enter the house was to swear on my beloved cellphone that I would never use it again. So I had to say a final goodbye to it. I know it’s tragic. My life has been full of tragedies. If I had to make all of them public, I am sure the government would have announced a 3 day mourn. But sooner than I thought a new cell replaced its special place in my heart. Now I could view and store good pics, nice pics, sweet pics, cute pics, dirty pics(and hide them also). So I loved this one even more.
But with people… I believe it’s a different thing. You simply can’t replace them as easily. Especially when they have been what oxygen is to human beings, a shahid-kareena lip lock video tape is to the news channels, and what a good script is to today’s bollywood movies. But what you need to understand and accept is that they have a life beyond yours. And as you have always wanted them to be happy and cheerful, let them choose to do what they wish to. While you can only hope that it’s not a final goodbye.
At the end of this post my heartfelt thanks to… the people who have been the inspiration behind this post, my boss for allowing me to blog at work when I should have had another round of coffee and to the Strings band… as I stole the title of this post from one of their songs. Sweet people and I love their songs! So I hope they won’t mind…
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Kya yeh safar yunhi chalta rahega? |
“Aaj khidki ke baahar dekhta hoon to wohi station nazar aata hai jahan se meri train kal nikal padi thi. Najaane kis safar ke liye nikal pada tha jo wapas wohi pe aake… aaj tham
Its better to regret why you did it, than why you didn’t…So just do it!
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Why infants like me dont like to go for weddings… |
After a hectic schedule on a business trip and flying from Sydney to New York, moving ahead to London and then back to Washington, I took the next flight to Sitapur and then moved to Belarampur in a private jet, only to suddenly wake up out of the dreamy little sleep I had managed to get in the train after a sleepless and tiring weekend. I immediately checked for the existence of my luggage stuffed with stinking socks and briefs, few unwashed clothes, a kurta apt for my cousin’s wedding (that costed me as much as Bill Gate’s new house in Los Angeles) and a few hand grenades and time bombs (these railways just have no security in place!). So I cudnt afford to sleep and leave my baggage to the mercy of a thief… I had to be the watch dog!
On reaching Pune my Mom launched a full fledged ballistic missile attack of 2-3 Prithvi missiles and a few more of the Agni range. How the hell could a 22 year old mature adult forget to carry footwear for a wedding and walk in with only sports shoes? While his travel bag stinked like one those tabelas in bihar he needs to be readmitted in atleast Class I or even worse in Kindergarten if he wiped his running nose on his t-shirt ever again. So without being entitled for a much awaited sleep I was sent to shop… I felt frustrated like an innocent guy who is jailed for 14yrs and on release is sent to prison again, just because he didn’t salute the jailor. That’s how life treats you sometimes…
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The best night I had with a guy! |
We did it in taxis and rickshaws, in barely lit smoke filled rooms, on wooden chairs and on cozy couches, also at romantic sea side spots, not to forget in cafes with deafening music which got our hearts beating even faster. And yea shamelessly… to be honest a little more than even shamelessly we did it in five star hotels all night. Kya mamu? Bheje mein kya soch rahela hai? Tension nahi lene ka re mamu. Apun ekdum seedhi baat kar rahela hai. English mein bole to apun bilkul eshtrate hai. Ekdum bapu ki lathi ki mafik! Hehe Ok… I know you must be feeling as clueless and confused as a Salman Khan in a discussion of the effects of dollar appreciation and depreciation on the Bulgarian economy. Well let me tell you in the simplest of words… for which you will need a little of…
Flashback: We had a nasty college gang. Remember Eagles from the movie Josh? Just like one of those… with cool thick leather jackets, fast bikes, supercool apparels like chains hanging all over our body… falana falana! You don’t have to believe me on all that! But yes we were atleast those few small-time brats in college who bunked lectures and sat all day in canteen drinking slice and maaza and never paid the canteen fella for whatever we picked up from his little store. The last thing that I heard about him was that he tried committing a suicide from the top of our college’s administrative building as he had landed up in huge debts because of the poor business he made in our college. No wonder! Yes so we were those troublesome guys who never informed at home and left with our bikes for niteouts to explore the ever so beautiful Goa, which we realised that it unfortunately lays inside 5 star resorts… where you also get to drink for free Tropicana juice from tetra packs left as leftovers at the beachside parties… You don’t need to be as shameful as Rakhi Sawant for doing it. Get in with a gang of as many as you can and order just one hundred buck coffee. You get to play carrom, watch movies on a plasma TV, use their bedroom-like-washrooms and ofcourse brag to the Bichchu gang that you stayed in a 5 star resort last night!
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A journey from Goregaon to Mount Mary Church, Bandstand |
Sometimes you have a lot of frustration and anger inside you… so how do you vent it out? Anger management? Count 1 to 100 and back? Or you prefer to go back to your A…B…C…D…??? Well I have found a way that works for me. Just keep walking, whatever the time, whatever the place… Haha.
Yesterday night went for a late night show of One Two Three (pathetic movie!). Paid 200 bucks for a seat at Cinemax, Andheri. And that’s why the frustration! :p Or was it that April Fool prank that I got fooled by and I couldn’t take it? Haha. Or maybe it was something else! For whatever it was, I didn’t know how to control the angry me. Angry with something, angry with someone. So I did what I felt was right to do at that moment. At 2:00 am when I reached back home, I emptied my wallet (credit card, debit cards, too much cash, etc :p) while kept a few bucks and an ID proof with me and left home. Left to go where? Don’t know. As I walked away, something inside told me that I could go on and on. And there was nothing that could stop me. I didn’t want to. Even if I could.
Walking speedily and talking to myself in a way that I never did, I was in a hurry to go somewhere. Again Where? Again I didnt know. My thick red jacket made me realise that the night wasn’t cold enough. I wished I could have gone back to leave it home. But then would I come back here again to continue doing what I chose to do? Was I done with the frustration of the crappy movie? Or the April Fool prank that fooled me? Was I done with whatever it was? :p. No. So I continued to walk out of the residential area which had countless garbage bins and dogs… yea a lot of dogs. Some would only chase wagons. Some followed pedestrians like me. And some had specifically caught fancy for my red jacket which i wanted to leave back home. So I had to hurry before they got mad at me. Luckily no dog did.
Slowly I realized that it was going to be good fun. Fun to see Mumbai at this hour at night. Still pretty much awake and hustling. The highways were busy. As good as the ones at peak hours in
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To Love Is To Not Expect |
To love is to not expect.
To love is to not expect.
To love is to not expect.
To love is to not expect.
To love is to not expect.
Yes I always believed in it. And it feels all so guilty to catch yourself red-handed expecting what you arnt supposed to (Or maybe you can?). Nevermind. Period.
Had forgotten this little line I always preached to others. Just needed a self drill.
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Seeing mom like never before |
I have seen her complain to me, shout at me, work all day round for us all… but certainly never like this before. Past 2 weeks were a little rough time for my family and hopefully only getting better from here. Mom wasn’t well and had to be admitted to the hospital. She still lies there on the bed with so much to do in her mind which her body cannot complement to… You probably won’t realize it until you are one of those people as my mom who would do everything under the sun for the family all day round, never complain of and suddenly be reduced to a complete compulsory bed rest. Very certainly there is one example at your home too. Yes you got it right… all Moms are so. You can’t help them change their attitude or maybe you just don’t push it further until you see her where I am seeing as of now.
I hvnt been to hospitals for long ever. Probably after my birth this is my longest visit :p. Though altogether its been a good learning curve. Things I have seen around and those I have felt within, also a few much needed realisations… maybe some which I can jot down here.
- Money is of such miniscule importance or just no importance against your family member’s wellbeing (I never disagreed to), but now feeling it all around me. You do not want to think of saving money for your future plans, you do not want to think of earning money for now… nothing… the first thing on your mind is to see your loved ones all doing good. And all those useless things you ever spent money on might just hit you back to leave you whishing that you never had done so.
- Maturity comes with experiences and not age. With such experiences you will certainly see yourself grow ahead of time. You see life more seriously than ever before. Just what I have been feeling within in the past two weeks.
- You can’t take care of the ones ill if you don’t take care of yourself first. You just don’t need to panic. If there are more family members around you for help, share the responsibilities. Take it cool. Speak to your closest friends… When you hear them say that everything is going to be fine, believe me it weighs much more than even what the doctors can assure you of. And if you can find an evening free for yourself, catch up with friends. Nothing else can make you feel better.
- Its only at such times that you realise of how much your family does for you, how much you owe to them, you were maybe unaware of or indifferent to all this while. But better late than never…
Leaving for Pune today, for Mom’s further treatment. Have a huge to do list to follow once everything is in place like it was a few days before… Hopefully I should be back to regular blogging too then.
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A Ride in the Rain! |
I just love to ride… yea you could bet on that blind… While its raining cats and dogs out on the streets, you ride over 30 kms with almost dead bike brakes yet maintaining an average speed of 70kmph… it cant be anything else. You simply love biking! Drenched in one of those few unmerciful heavy rains in
I am not a great fan of rains… infact I hate them because everywhere I go on bike, I have to carry my rainwear… Today while I had over 30kms of travel to reach back to Panjim there was a sudden (nah! expected) downpour of rain which didn’t look like one that would stop soon. Nor was I in to wait for it to die out of water. Luckily I had a jacket… but my trouser was soon getting all soaked. Kinda giving a cooling effect everytime a little more of it got wet :p. Soon it was all heavy as though it had drank over 100 gallons of water. Wearing my jeans which were more water and less denim by now, I just couldn’t care for the roadside dingy water splashing all over me as wagons paved through puddles. What I was busy enjoying, was my ride in the rain…
The rainwater drops were hitting me like a swarm of honey bees would sting onto your body, over and over again. But I was in no mood of taking a halt. Luckily I had a bus in front, I was riding just a few inches close to, so that I could miss the hard hitting rains. Hoping that the buswala won’t brake all of a sudden, as I knew my bike’s brakes will not follow suit.
While I reached a bridge, I noticed many two wheelers parked aside and their riders wearing full length raincoats having stopped by… and before I could wonder why, my bike’s pace had already got me onto the bridge. And there I was on a toss by the violent wind blowing over the bridge… Shifting my bike along with me from the left lane to the right, ofcourse which wasn’t for me but for vehicles traveling back from where I had come. And boy… this time right in front of a truck, head-on! Thanks to the super sweet response time of my bike’s brakes, I couldn’t stop, even if now I wanted to. I was wishing so badly that the wind could blow from the otherside just for once (God Plz…Plz…). The truck flashed its lights… those headlights looking like angry eyes suggesting me “Boy… this is your last ride!”. Luckily the truck had decent enough brakes to slow it down, leaving just a little chance for me to get back on my track defying all the Newtons in the force of the wind which was pushing me back onto the right lane (I mean the wrong lane :p). My bike followed a zig-zag path for a while, and I was glad that the bridge was finally over. Kids in air-conditioned cars passing by looked like kinda mocking at me. But I couldn’t care more… I was back to busy enjoying my ride in the rain…
And after I made it back… at the same CCD with the same friend, the same hot Cappuccino I ordered yesterday, suddenly had a great taste today!
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Yahoooo!!! Finally its all over! |
Finished up with my engineering exams yesterday… though still have the final year project presentation (and project itself!) pending and a couple of vivas which i never study for. It seems like its almost all over! :D.
And now, I am on a never before like schedule… enjoying my last few days in Goa before I join TCS.
DEGREE was a dream… but ENGINEERING made it possible!
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Where the hell is Aseem? |
This is the one question that my blog asks me everytime I logon, only to read a few new comments on the older posts… I want to answer it, but the silence has stood too loud all this while. Yes sadly so, I have been pretty irregular at blogging in the recent past. But I have been busy with newer and interesting projects I have given a go to. Some of my own or partnered with friends and ofcourse there is always a little webdesign work that I usually do. Announcements on my newer sites will follow shortly. So blogging does not float on top of these priorities. But am trying… trying to give everything in life the time it deserves.
While in a few days my final engineering exams are scheduled and I am busy with photocopying class notes, buying reference books (yes now!), collecting question papers from the past…lol! Lots to do! Just the last 3 papers of my engineering now and then no more of it! No exams… no tests… nothing! But I will miss these times I am still holding on to. Yes I will miss exams and tests too. Times when I have been awake all night studying and then my brain a Kora Kagaz on the next day of the paper. Or those small internal tests I never cared to study for… but yet always somehow passed! Ok I have taken a couple of class photos and videos too during the tests, so you know how strict or serious tests can be :p. But for sem exams, there is no escape. Gotta start studying and give a break to all other work. Yes the last time I will be studying for an engineering paper (hopefully!!!)!
We also have our most talked about final year engineering project go doom. Have to make it presentable enough now to scape through. Yea, lots of stuff going in and around me. So my blog might remain in this inanimate state for a while until I have enough time to give it some life :).
And if ya still asking this question… “Where the hell is Aseem?” You can catch up with me at CCD( Café Coffee Day)
